Rev. David Holwick W
First Baptist Church
Ledgewood, New Jersey
July 9, 1995 Exodus 20:14
Proverbs 6:32-35
GREENER GRASS
I. The fun sin.
A. There's nothing new under the sun.
1) For thousands of years, adultery has been against the Law.
This means that it has been popular for just as long.
a) The Old Testament is filled with examples of problems
with sexual sin.
b) Adultery is used in OT to describe turning from God.
1> Book of Hosea.
2> Ezekiel. (passages I could never preach on)
2) Popular "adultery Bible" in the 1600's.
"Not" omitted, so it read "thou shalt commit adultery."
Copies ordered destroyed by king.
B. Is adultery universal or rare?
1) Changing statistics.
For thousands of years, adultery has been against the Law.
This means that it has been popular for just as long.
When Kinsey did his landmark (but flawed) study on sex
back in the 50's, he found that 25% of all married women
had been unfaithful.
Today some estimate that 40% of them have been unfaithful,
and 60% of the husbands.
This means there is at least a 50 - 50 chance in any
marriage that infidelity will occur.
#2453
But more recent surveys find that 89% of all people say they
have not been unfaithful in their current marriage.
Moreover, in any one year, only 2% of all people report
having an affair.
That sounds encouraging... until you consider that by your
fiftieth anniversary the odds come to 50 x 2%= ?? percent.
2) It is an issue that can cut close to the heart - some of
you may be uneasy right now.
II. Attacking the foundations.
A. Marriage is a covenant, a mutual promise before God.
1) Your vow is basis of marriage in God's eyes, not sex.
a) However, sex is one of the greatest glues for intimacy.
b) It involves vulnerability and trust.
c) This is reason God confines it to marriage.
2) Sex is also a good barometer of the health of your marriage.
a) Sexual enjoyment is proportional to overall quality of
your marriage.
1> Likewise, health of marriage determines sexual
satisfaction.
b) Most romantic thing I can do for Celeste - clean dishes,
vacuum and pick up first floor.
B. Adultery breaks that bond.
1) Even non-religious people realize this.
a) Even if they aren't married!
b) (Note Hugh Grant and girlfriend of 8 years)
2) Not just violation of an oath, but of another person.
a) Destruction comes not only from the act but the deceit.
b) Every adulterer tries to cover it up.
Family therapist Jerry Weinstein is the director of the
Divorce Resource and Mediation Center in Newton, Mass.
He says,
"I've never seen anybody who's said, 'Ten years ago there
was infidelity and we worked through it, our marriage
is better now,'"
What he hears instead from couples who do stay together
is,
'Somehow we managed to survive, but I've never trusted
him/her again.'"
According to Atlanta psychologist Dr. Frank Pittman,
"People get into these (situations) not because they
met somebody 'wonderful,' because somebody wonderful
is not messing around with married people.
They fall in love as a way of running away from a life
that is too real for them.
These are the people willing to give up their husband,
wife, children, parents, job, grandmother, you name it,
for somebody they just met on an escalator."
#1811
C. Adultery is a great sin.
1) It causes tremendous agony.
a) It is not glamorous, as Hollywood implies.
b) Everybody loses.
1> Note emotions in Proverbs 6:32-35.
2) Adultery never solves problems.
A few years ago a researcher named Linda Wolfe wrote a book
on infidelity in marriage.
She interviewed 66 women and found that 21 of them were
having affairs to preserve their marriage.
Five years later the author checked up on them to see if it
worked.
Only 3 out of 21 were still married- fully 81% were divorced.
#2453
III. Causes of adultery. (Christian writer Stuart Briscoe)
A. Uncertain standards.
1) We have strayed from the Bible.
2) "Honesty" more important than commitment.
B. Unrestrained sexuality.
1) Our natural desires need to be constrained.
2) Where are the limits today?
a) Only in the Bible.
C. Unfulfilled desires.
1) Many are unhappy, dissatisfied.
2) Rather than work it out, many start something on the side.
3) "Mid-life crisis" is a common excuse.
D. Undisciplined lifestyles.
1) Hosea: If you sow the wind, you'll reap the whirlwind.
2) Soap operas, movies, magazines.
a) What premium TV channels do you subscribe to?
b) Jesus said, "If your eye offends you, pluck it out."
3) A lack of discipline, unfulfilled desires and unrestrained
sexuality will lead inevitably into adultery - in
thought if not in deed.
IV. Five practical steps for protecting your marriage.
A. If single, only marry a Christian. 2 Cor 6:14
God commands it in 2 Corinthians 6:14.
Secular psychologists see the wisdom in it.
The June 1990 issue of "Good Housekeeping" had an article
called "Faithful Attraction" by Andrew Greeley.
He went over current research and found that religiously mixed
homes were less likely to say they were happily married by
7 percentage points.
Such marriages showed more strain and conflicts over children,
hurting the effectiveness of the relationship.
#1774
B. Center your married life on Christ.
1) Make spiritual growth a priority.
a) Seek practical help from the Bible.
b) Seek out Christians you respect and find out their
secrets for happiness.
2) Let God mold you into a spiritual person and spouse.
What area of life is the most important for determining a
successful marriage?
You may be surprised to know it is religion.
Andrew Greeley notes that prayer is a more powerful predictor
of satisfaction in marriage than frequency of intimate
relations.
32% of American spouses pray together often, and 75% who do
so report their marriage is very happy (as opposed to 57%
who don't pray as often).
Both regular church attendance and frequent religious
retreats also relate positively to marital satisfaction.
76% of those who go to retreats (vs. 60% who do not) say they
are very happy in their marriage.
70% of those who attend church regularly (as compared to 57%
who don't) are very happy.
The fact that prayer, church attendance, and an interest in
the Lord's work are a key for a happy home are not just
preacher talk.
They are solid facts that must not be ignored by any husband,
wife, or young person.
#1774
C. Make your spouse a priority.
1) Communicate openly and frequently.
2) Continue courtship.
a) Romance shouldn't end with "I do."
b) (Bridges of Madison County - adultery begins with
intimacy for a neglected woman.)
Women in audience cry all the way through it.
3) Dr. Norman Lobenz: "There is no better safeguard against
infidelity than a vital, interesting marriage.
D. Meet your partner's sexual needs.
1) To see what a priority it is in the Bible, read the
Song of Solomon.
a) Apostle Paul even commands couples not to abstain.
2) Then they will have no desire to look elsewhere.
3) Requires sensitivity to whole of life and marriage.
E. Avoid relationships that might tempt you.
1) Be sexually pure before marriage so you won't have
comparisons.
2) Avoid intimate situations with those you are attracted to.
V. Adultery is not the unpardonable sin.
A. God's grace is greater than your sin.
1) Jesus can forgive you.
2) He didn't condemn adulterous woman.
3) He did tell her to sin no more.
B. Spouses may not be as forgiving.
1) But it does happen, and often.
VI. God wants to liberate us.
A. The seventh commandment is given for our good.
B. Sex is not the ultimate answer to our needs. God is.
[for documentation of illustrations, download Holwick's Sermon Illustration
database at http://illust.holwick.com]
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Briscoe, Ten Commandments
I. Seventh commandment shows God's concern for sanctity of marriage.
A. We have problems with this commandment.
B. Early people also had problems with sexual immorality. (OT)
II. The curse of adultery.
A. Defying God.
B. Destroying families.
C. Defiling marriage.
D. Denying love.
E. Deriding faithfulness.
F. Degrading people.
III. Causes of adultery.
A. Uncertain standards.
B. Unrestrained sexuality.
C. Unfulfilled desires.
D. Undisciplined lifestyles.
IV. So what now?
A. Extenuating circumstances exist, but sin is still sin.
B. We will be tempted, but we don't have to give in.
V. Cure for adultery.
A. Preventative medicine.
1) Agree with what God says.
2) Recognize the necessity to grow in grace.
3) Develop healthy families with strong sexual relationship.
4) ...
VI. Remedial medicine.
....................................................................
Hybels, Laws of the Heart
I. Marriage is designed to be a unique relationship. Gen 2:23f
A. God is pro-sex.
1) We were created to be sexual beings.
2) Physical attraction is part of God's design.
3) Sex is for pleasure. Gen 2:18-25
a) It is God's answer for loneliness and isolation.
b) Procreation is secondary.
B. The Bible is pro-sex.
1) Song of Solomon.
2) Paul says not to deprive each other of sex. 1 Cor 7:5
C. Christians should be pro-sex.
1) False teaching says sex is dirty.
2) Abuse of sex leads to dirty things.
II. The marriage bed defiled.
A. Sex is a risky business.
1) It involves vulnerability and trust.
2) This is reason God confines it to marriage.
B. Sexual enjoyment is proportional to overall quality of marriage.
1) Sex is a good barometer of marriage health.
2) It is God's way of communicating love.
C. Adultery is a great sin.
1) Not just violation of an oath, but of another person.
2) Destruction comes not from the act but the deceit.
3) Adultery causes tremendous agony.
a) It is not glamorous, as Hollywood implies.
b) Everybody loses.
III. Six practical steps for protecting your marriage.
A. If single, only marry a Christian. 2 Cor 6:14
B. Center your life on Christ and devote yourself to the Bible.
1) Make spiritual growth a priority.
2) Let God mold you into a spiritual person and spouse.
C. Carefully follow every biblical guideline for improving your
marriage.
1) Seek practical help from the Bible.
2) Read books and listen to tapes.
D. Make your spouse a priority.
1) Communicate openly and frequently.
2) Continue courtship. [Bridges of Madison County]
E. Meet your partner's sexual needs.
1) Then they will have no desire to look elsewhere.
2) Requires sensitivity and openness.
F. Avoid relationships that might tempt you.
1) Avoid those you are attracted to.
IV. Not the unpardonable sin.
A. God's grace is greater than your sin.
1) Jesus can forgive you.
2) He didn't condemn adulterous woman.
3) He did tell her to sin no more.
B. Spouses may not be as forgiving.
1) But it does happen, and often. [Newsweek guest editorial]
V. The popular sin: fornication.
A. Adultery is not limit of sexual sin.
1) Fornication is listed with murder. Matt 15:19
2) It is not an option for Christians. Eph 5:3
B. Sex is for a secure, permanent relationship only - marriage.
1) Even committed, loving singles must abstain.
2) Obedience to Jesus is the key. John 14:15
C. If you are in fornication right now:
1) Repent.
a) Who means more to you: God or your partner?
2) Share your decision with your partner.
VI. It starts in the heart: lust.
A. Sin begins with its inner manifestation. Matt 5:27-28
1) Lust is not innocent like many think. [Job 31:1,9]
2) But it is in the mind where the battle for purity is fought.
B. Attraction is normal.
1) Repeated dwelling on it amounts to sin.
C. Our minds need cleansing.
VII. God wants to liberate us.
A. The seventh commandment is given for our good.
First Baptist Church; Ledgewood, New Jersey
This document last modified June 1, 1999