Rev. David Holwick U
First Baptist Church
Ledgewood, New Jersey
June 25, 1995 Fifth Commandment
Exodus 20:12
HONOR YOUR FOLKS
I. A commandment that strikes home.
A. Everyone has a family.
1) Relationships with parents mold us.
In the film, "I Never Sang for My Father," a young man
is estranged from his father.
At age 40 he finally learns to face his father's
rejection and get on with his life.
The son, played by Gene Hackmann (who was abandoned by
his own father), says his last lines as a voice-over.
While he speaks, the screen shows a photograph of father
and son - frozen in gesture.
Hackman says,
"Death ends a life, but it does not end a relationship,
which struggles on in the survivor's mind toward some
resolution - which it may never find.
What does it matter if I never loved him or he never
loved me?
But still, when I hear the word 'father,' it matters."
#3201
2) For good or bad, most are related to someone.
B. Challenges that face our families.
1) New interpretations of what a family is.
a) All families are smaller, more distant.
1> Both in miles and emotions.
2> Contrast with multi-homed Amish farms in Ohio.
b) High divorce and remarriage rates.
1> Single parent homes, new groupings.
2) Aging of America.
a) Our church has people in their late 60's with a parent
still living.
b) Difficult decisions on nursing homes, living wills, etc.
c) Societal pressures concerning Social Security, etc.
C. As goes the family, so goes society.
1) Less confidence in relationships.
a) ((20/20 television research on friendliness in cities.))
2) Crumbling inner cities. Stats in Esquire magazine article:
Without a father who sets limits, a boy's natural
aggression can intensify into a well of pure
destructiveness.
One measure: Two thirds of convicted rapists,
3/4 of adolescent murderers, and 3/4 of long-term prison
inmates grew up without a father in the house.
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D. We must honor our parents as God intends.
1) This is the pivotal commandment.
a) Transition from relationship with God to that of humans.
b) The family is in the center.
2) Family has always been important for passing on faith.
a) Secret of survival of Jewish religion.
II. Parents are important in the Bible.
A. Parents make an impact.
1) They affect our character.
a) Azariah followed example of evil parents. 1 Kg 22:52
b) Jesus' parents set spiritual example. Luke 2:41
2) They are affected by how we turn out.
a) Good kids make parents happy. Prov 23:24-25
B. Parents are to be obeyed.
1) Disobedient sons stoned. Deut 21:18-21
2) Disobedience of parents sign of paganism. Rom 1:30; 2 Tim 3:2
a) Israel's captivity was due in part to a failure
to honor parents. Ezek 22:7,15
3) Jacob's obedience to them in choosing a wife. Gen 28:6f
C. Parents are to be esteemed.
1) Respect for parents follows personal holiness. Lev 19:3
2) Evil princes treat parents with contempt. Ezek 22:7
III. Meaning of "honor."
A. The root meaning is "to be heavy or weighty."
1) Most often used in a figurative sense.
2) From this it is an easy step to the concept of a "weighty"
person in society.
B. Giving honor is to say that someone is deserving of respect,
attention and obedience.
1) Goes for both parents, not just father.
2) Respect is hurting these days.
a) (My parents training me to give seat to elderly.)
C. Honor must go beyond words.
1) If not back up by actions, it leads to hypocrisy.
2) Israel was continually guilty of honoring God with her lips,
while her actions made him appear worthless. Isa 29:13
3) Subterfuge to avoid honoring parents. Matt 15:4-6
IV. How to honor.
A. Prize highly.
1) Can be translated as "glory" and is used of God.
2) Like wisdom, seek above everything else and prize more
highly than all else. Prov 4:8
B. Take care of them.
1) "Honor" has nuances of taking care of someone and showing
affection, just as God cares and delivers us. Ps 91:15
2) Do not abandon them. Ps 71:9
a) Abandonment is one of biggest fears of the elderly.
b) Nursing home may be necessary, but they still need
visits.
3) Care is a sign of the depth of your faith. 1 Tim 5:4
C. Obey their authority.
1) Honor frequently used to describe the proper response to
God and is akin to worship. Ps 86:9
2) Parallel command uses term "fear, give reverence to" which
is otherwise reserved for God. Lev 19:3
3) In a sense, parents play a God-like role in the family.
V. Are there limits on honor?
A. Distinction between the position and the person.
1) No parent is perfect - some are far from it.
2) We do not blindly honor all they do.
B. Parents should strive to be worthy of respect.
1) Don't exasperate kids. Eph 6:4
2) Give children good things. Matt 7:1
C. Other relationships also have claims on us.
1) Spouse is higher priority than folks. (leave/cleave) Gen 2:24
2) It can be a struggle to find the proper balance.
D. Parents may be god-like, but aren't God.
1) Parent's word is not to be a rival or a substitute for
God's word.
2) Obedience to them is qualified with "in the Lord." Eph 6:1
3) Moses' blessing: Levi held honor of God above
that of his folks. Deut 33:9
VI. Commandment with a promise.
A. Time, and then some.
1) Envisages a chronological extension of time.
2) Also points to the rich blessing of the society which
is in harmony with God's plan for us.
3) Similar to Jesus' promise: we shall have life, and
have it abundantly.
B. Old age can be seen as a blessing. (CT 11/6/87, p.20)
1) The best is yet to come.
2) Don't feel you've "done your part" or can't do something.
a) The church needs the involvement of all.
b) The elderly have talent and TIME.
C. For longest life, we must honor our Heavenly Father.
1) Fifth commandment focuses on earthly blessings of honoring
God's structure of the family.
2) For eternal life, God the Father must be honored.
a) His gift of salvation cannot be earned.
b) He is the one Father who DOES know best.
[for documentation of illustrations, download Holwick's Sermon Illustration
database at http://illust.holwick.com]
\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ Study Notes \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\
Stuart Briscoe, "Ten Commandments."
I. Fifth commandment shows us what God expects in our family living.
A. Assumptions in asking us to honor parents.
1) We know who are parents are.
2) We know them well enough to appreciate their significance.
3) We have the opportunity to honor and respect them.
B. Four reasons to honor parents:
1) It enables you to live long in the land. Exod 20:12
2) It will be well with you. Deut 5:16
3) It is the right thing to do. Eph 6:1
4) It pleases the Lord. Col 3:20
II. The extended family.
A. Biblical families were extended, not "nuclear."
B. Essential services provided by families:
1) Economic survival.
2) Emotional stability.
3) Educational structure.
III. Today's family.
A. A shift from extended to nuclear families.
B. A shift from emphasis on hierarchy to individuality.
C. Stability traded for mobility.
D. A shift from emphasizing the traditional to the novel.
IV. What changed the family?
A. Urbanization.
B. Communication.
C. Deterioration in relationships.
D. Confusion over values.
V. Where is the family going?
A. Alvin Toffler sees families breaking up and coming back together
in strange forms.
B. Serial marriages (polygamy) more the norm.
VI. Unchanging factors in the Fifth Commandment.
A. A divine origin.
1) God has made us a certain way.
a) Alternate lifestyles don't hack it.
2) God treats us like a family.
a) Our earthly families should reflect his heavenly one.
B. A divine order.
1) A father and mother must be honored.
a) How to honor parents.
2) A father and mother must be honorable.
a) Don't drive kids nuts. Eph 6:1-4
C. A divine opportunity.
1) Don't deify the family.
a) The gospel can cause tensions in families.
b) Jesus must remain Number One.
2) Help others with their hurts and adjustments.
3) Christian families are an example to outsiders.
a) Show how God's principles can work.
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William Barclay, "Ten Commandments."
Father and Mother.
I. Fathers and mothers should be honored together. (rabbis)
A. Commandment was developed in OT. Prov 20:20; Prov 30:17
B. Examples of how rabbis cared for their mothers.
C. Jesus and the commandment.
1) He meticulously obeyed it.
a) He must have taken care of his family as oldest son.
D. Romans and Greeks honored their parents.
1) Roman fathers had absolute authority over sons.
II. What does it mean to honor parents?
A. Gratitude will be a necessary part of honor.
1) We owe them our lives.
2) Parents should not blackmail kids with it.
B. Obedience is a necessary part.
1) Parents must earn the right to be obeyed.
2) Parents must instill independence in children.
C. Support is a necessary part of honor.
1) Parents should not be lacking in daily necessities.
2) Living together can be problematic.
3) Adjustments are necessary in the relationship as we grow
older.
III. The duty of parents to their children.
A. New Testament ethics is always reciprocal.
1) The duty is never all on one side.
2) Parents must not provoke children. Col 3:20f, Eph 6:1f
B. Duty of parents:
1) The basic duty of nourishment, care and support.
a) Ancient people exposed children, especially girls.
b) Abandoned children were much exploited.
2) The duty of training and discipline.
a) Education lets us play a useful part in society.
b) Discipline makes us morally responsible.
1> There are no delinquent children, only delinquent
parents.
2> Houston, Texas, police department rules for bad kids.
3) Encouragement is just as important as discipline.
a) Continuous criticism blights us.
b) Encouragement is more powerful.
4) The duty of sympathetic understanding.
a) Cleavage between generations is nothing new.
b) (sermon of Peter the Hermit in 1274)
5) Parents must give children the respect due a person.
a) Treat them as intelligent human beings.
b) Explain "why".
6) Above all, parents must give children love.
a) Loving, though imperfect, families are better than
cold and efficient institutions.
b) Nothing else is needed, and nothing else can replace it.
CATEGORY: Old Age, Church Ministry, Loneliness, Death, Future
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TEXT: Isa 40:6-8, Ps 71:9, Exod 20:12, Job 12:12
Number: 00275 Hard copy:
SOURCE: Christianity Today
TITLE: The Graying Of The Church, Etc.
AUTHOR: Tim Stafford, Etc.
PAGE: 17 DATE: 11/6/87 Typist: ENTERED: 88/07/23
DATE_USED: 12/6/92 (in part)
ILLUSTRATION__________________________________________________________________
: The problems and possibilities of the elderly in the church.
CT, "Graying of America," David O. Moberg, 11/20/81, p. 30.
===========================================================
I. Duration of life is limited. Gen 6:3; Ps 90:3-6, etc.
A. Death is inevitable end of life. Heb 9:27
B. Human existence does not end at death. 1 Cor 15
II. Wise people should prepare for their future.
A. Future life in heaven.
B. Future life on earth. Ps 90:12; Prov 3:1-2, etc.
III. America is characterized by "ageism," prejudice against the old.
A. Instances occur in OT as well. 1 Kg 12:6-20; Job 32:4-10
1) Sometimes old were neglected. Ps 71:9-12,18 (inference)
B. Biblical instructions center on honoring parents. Exod 20:12
1) Was extended to respect for all elderly people. Lev 19:32;
1 Tim 5:1-21; 1 Pt 5:5
2) (If natural tendency, wouldn't have to be commanded.)
IV. How churches dishonor the old.
A. Emphasis on youth and young families.
B. Young chosen for leadership.
C. Personal worth equated with occupational roles; retired are
"nobodies."
D. Programs are centered on evenings, when elderly find it hard
to get out.
V. Ministries for, with and by the elderly.
A. They can still bring forth fruit in old age. *** Ps 92:14
CT, "The Old-Age Heresy," Tim Stafford, 9/16/91, p. 31.
=======================================================
I. Avoided issue of taking care of father-in-law in old age.
A. We don't like to think about issue.
B. Every year you can do less, look worse.
C. This spiritual disease is widespread, so much so that euthanasia
has the appeal of mercy.
II. Bible presents old age in a bright light. (except for Eccl 12)
A. Bible is full of old people, with usual infirmities.
1) David can't get warm in own bed.
2) Isaac unable to tell his sons apart by sight or touch.
B. But old age is treated as a blessing.
1) Fondest wish is to die "full of years."
2) We are to number our days, not seek to escape them. Ps 90:12
3) Zechariah's lovely portrait of the restored Jerusalem has
elderly sitting in streets watching children. Zech 8:4-5
4) Death is "swallowed up" but not old age. Isa 65:20
III. Former times were not necessarily enlightened.
A. Aristotle and Grimm.
1) The older, the nastier. Often witches in disguise.
B. Meaning of life to Christians - glorify God, love, pray.
C. If paths to heaven and hell diverge visibly on earth, they begin
to split in the nursing home. There is a vast difference
between those who have lived the lie, and now have nothing
left but their memories, and those who can see themselves
still growing into love.
D. Old age is about stripping away the lies in order to teach us
the truth.
1) Old age teaches that life is not doing things, even great
things for God.
2) The lie says life is a bell-curve - up, then inevitably down.
Scripture teaches that life is meant to be up, all the way to
heaven. There is a goal, and the goal determines the process
we must go through to get there. Whatever is valued in
heaven grows more and more valuable on earth. Whatever
matters not in heaven, matters less and less on earth. The
longer you live, the more it is so.
3) One older person said, "They say we are going downhill, but
they have it wrong. It is uphill. That's why it is such
hard work!"
Christianity Today, "Role Changes," Fran White, 2/5/82, p. 34.
==============================================================
I. Unique options of retirees.
II. Challenge of adjustment.
III. Challenge of role modification.
IV. Challenge of increased dependency, and loneliness.
V. Challenge of a life inventory.
#275
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First Baptist Church; Ledgewood, New Jersey
This document last modified June 1, 1999