Rev. David Holwick
First Baptist Church
West Lafayette, Ohio
February 24, 1985
Lust and Adultery
Matthew 5:27-30, KJV
"Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery:
Jesus is of course quoting from the seventh commandment. But he could just as well be quoting from the law code of Hammurabi or the laws of any ancient civilizations. For thousands of years, adultery has been against the law. This means that it has been popular for just as long.
When Kinsey did his landmark study on sexual behavior back in the 1950s he found that 25% of all married women had been unfaithful. Today it is estimated that 40% of them have been unfaithful and 60% of the husbands. This means there is at least a 50-50 chance in any marriage that infidelity will occur. With figures like these it is easy to see why adultery seems to be universal. What is surprising is that cheating is not limited to unhappy marriages. As a matter of fact, in scientific surveys 6 out of 10 of those who are unfaithful say their marriage is good or even very good.
The present condition has often been attributed to the "New Morality" that arose in the 1960s. The New Morality is based on 2 convictions - First, the proper thing to do in any situation is determined by the situation itself, and not by any laws or principles such as the Bible gives. Second, the only absolute principle for Christians is love, period. Anything is OK as long as it doesn't hurt the other person. Therefore, according to the New Morality it is not necessarily wrong to commit adultery as long as you have the best intentions toward everyone involved.
Those who hold to this philosophy often go one step farther - adultery is not only acceptable, it can also strengthen your marriage. The reasoning is that cheating provides an outlet for the frustrations that come from an unfulfilling marriage. Once you release your frustrations you will find it easier to iron out things with your spouse.
A few years ago a researcher named Linda Wolfe wrote a book on infidelity in marriage. She interviewed 66 women and found that 21 of them were having affairs to preserve their marriage. Five years later the author checked up on them to see if it worked. Only 3 out of 21 were still married - 81% were divorced. A lot of the talk about adultery is wishful thinking. You can tell yourself that it is harmless or even beneficial, but you are only fooling yourself.
However acceptable a person may find adultery in the abstract, the whole picture changes when they are faced with the realities of unfaithfulness. Men have rationalized like this for years. Many men are surprised to find that they don't view their wife's cheating with the same air of unconcern they may have for their own cheating. Despite all the talk about "open" marriages, the fact is that for most husbands and wives the predictable reaction when they find out about a spouse's cheating is extreme anger and hurt. What you may justify for yourself you will not tolerate from your mate.
No matter what you think of the Bible, there is a lot of wisdom in the seventh commandment. Those who break it can expect bitter fruit from the experience.
Nevertheless, faithfulness is only half of the answer. Many people in Jesus' day figured that they were blameless if they did not commit the physical act of adultery. It's the same today. Many pride themselves on the fact that they have never cheated on their spouse. They may detest them, be filled with resentment, and spend every waking moment dreaming intimately about the person they could have married, but at least they have never cheated.
Jesus was not satisfied with this approach because he knew it missed God's intention. In verse 28 he explicitly lays out this intention: "but I say unto you, that whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart."
Now that is a different ballgame. I can avoid committing an overt act of adultery - but lust? It is almost impossible to exist in our society without being expressed to sexually explicit literature, movies and songs, not to mention clothing styles. When I was around 7 or 8 my mother took a station wagon full of my friends and me to a drive-in theater. We loaded up on popcorn and candy, and waited for Bambi to begin but first there were the previews of upcoming attractions. Before my mom could slip into reverse, we caught an eyeful of the classic movie, "Prisoners of Desire." It was apparently about a female prison where the inmates were exposed to the most degrading perversions. The preview left nothing to our young imaginations, and my mom had a tough time explaining the significance.
With the invention of video recorders and satellite cable systems it is possible to broadcast explicit material that would never be allowed on the major networks. It seems unrealistic to expect people, even sincere Christians, to be able to face all of this material and not lust.
Even though Jesus' teaching is very strict, it contains some important insight. Sin does not begin with an act. It results in it. The beginning is a thought in our hearts which is motivated by something our senses pick up. Even though our eyes may be the first thing to perceive a desirable person, it is not sin until our hearts, or minds, gives it substance.
One of the greatest myths about adultery is that people commit it only to gain the physical pleasure. Because of this, the person who is cheated on often feels they must be undesirable. The truth is that adultery focuses on fantasy, not physical pleasure. The best illustration I found of this came from MADEMOISELLE magazine, hardly a religious publication. The magazine traced the history of an affair of a young woman named Liz. After her divorce, Liz met a man named Nathaniel who was a social anthropologist like she was. He was also married. Liz wanted to have a relationship but she didn't want to be suffocated so they just saw each other on the side. Whenever they met it was always romantic, dramatic and exciting. But after a while Liz grew frustrated because Nat always went home to a loving family. She pushed him for a deeper involvement; he always resisted. He was willing to give her a fun time but nothing more.
Liz's affair was traced by her friend, Marcia Stamell, who wrote the article. In it she comments: "Liz's affair with Nathaniel is fairly typical of the affairs I learned about. I expected them to be mature, pragmatic relationships, much more serene than the typical marriage. Instead, they are fantasy romances destructive by their definition. To develop, they require a kind of moral blindness."
Adultery and lust thrives on fantasy. It doesn't matter if it is an actual affair, or just PLAYBOY or the TRUE CONFESSIONS. We fulfill our own inner desires whether it conforms to reality or not. Nat's real world was his wife - Liz just a toy. In a way you would have to say that Nat's real world was only himself because he was playing a deceptive game with both women.
Lust is fed by lies and ends in loneliness. It makes no bonds and becomes a black hole that can engulf your whole life. Jesus' solution is extremely severe. In verse 29 he says: "If your right eye offends (leads you to sin) pluck it out, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for you that one of your members should perish, and not that your whole body should be cast into hell."
These have been called the most startling verses in the Sermon on the Mount. A few people in history have taken it literally. Back in the 3rd century a man named Origin castrated himself so he won't lust. Most Christians don't go this far or we would see lots more eye patches in churches. I think Jesus is using exceptional language to make a strong point. We must take drastic measurers to deal with sin. Even if we gauge out our eyes we can still lust in our hearts.
Therefore what we have to do is change our hearts. This process begins when we acknowledge Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior. Through his Holy Spirit we begin to see the effects of sin and the way to avoid it. (Control the fantasy life).
As our heart are changed we should also focus on our relationships. Many sociologists have commented that affairs are exciting because they are so unrealistic, whereas true love must deal with the problems and hassles of day-to-day living. If you reverse the circumstances, a spouse can easily be as exciting as a lover, and a lover as boring as a spouse. The strategy of Christians should be to face up to the difficulties in life and still enjoy the charms and mystery of our spouse.
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Typed on February 2, 2005, by Wendy Ventura of Ledgewood Baptist Church, New Jersey
Copyright © 2024 by Rev. David Holwick
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