Rev. David Holwick ZQ
First Baptist Church
Ledgewood, New Jersey
December 13, 1992
Matthew 1:18-24
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I. Feeling sorry for Joseph.
A. Upright man with a pregnant fiancé. Matt 1:19
1) He figured he would be better off ending it.
a) Actually, he may have felt he HAD to end it.
2) (Divorce was required to break engagements.)
B. Also a sensitive and gentle man.
1) He could have had her stoned to death.
2) But he didn't want to expose her to public rebuke
C. A spiritual man. Matt 1:20
1) He was receptive enough to recognize dream as from God.
a) Contents were pretty remarkable!
2) He immediately did what the angel told him to.
II. Commitment to marriage is a risky step.
A. Joseph probably had no idea he would be taking a pregnant wife
to Bethlehem, then flee Egypt, and end up at the cross.
B. In our day, there is the risk of divorce or a cold, indifferent,
even hostile relationship.
C. Despite the risk, marriage can be a great blessing.
D. To experience the blessing, three principles from Genesis 2:24
must happen: leave, cleave, become one.
III. The Leaving Principle.
A. We must distance ourselves from our parents.
1) They continue to be important, but our spouse is more so.
B. Distance may not be literal (though it can help) but figurative
or emotional.
Gloria Perkins discovered this as a young wife.
She had just won a national public relations award and her career
was moving ahead at an accelerated pace.
Then her husband, Dan, was offered a promotion.
The price tag: a move to a northern city.
Everything within her said NO! until she opened a Bible one
night.
She wasn't a Christian at the time, but she was so upset she knew
she needed divine guidance.
Turning the pages in frustration she came across the Genesis
account of Abram and Sarai's departure for parts unknown.
As Gloria read their story, God broke through her self-centered
preoccupation to show her that marriage means leaving-
-In her case, leaving personal ambitions and private goals in
order to find the new life they were meant to build together.
#1247
C. Removing barriers.
1) There may be emotional baggage in your past that should be
left behind: the person you COULD have married, etc.
2) Choosing to forgive. Eph 4:31-32
3) Changing your behavior.
IV. The Cleaving Principle.
A. Marriages cannot be formed in a vacuum.
1) Many stress the need for "space" for each partner.
a) There ARE times when we need to be alone.
b) But there is a thin line between emotional space and
emotional distance.
c) Once you start moving away it's hard to reverse directions.
2) Gloria Perkins worked with a group of young wives on an army
base.
It became clear to her that when the women spoke of their
"space", they meant distance from the normal obligations
of marriage.
As the leader told her, "These girls--and their husbands too--
equate "space" with wanting their own way and doing their
own thing.
The attitude that comes across is,
"I've married you. Now don't bother me!"
#1247
B. Becoming close.
1) Positive thoughts about spouse. Phil 4:8
a) Psychologist's advice for falling OUT of love:
Microscopically concentrate on the flaws of the other
person, even picturing that person in absurd, ridiculous
ways, until all respect for that one is gone.
b) Mental appreciation rather than mental criticism.
2) Supportive loyalty. 1 Cor 13:7
3) Mutual trust. Prov 31:10-12
a) Express it verbally.
4) Emotional refuge. Eccl 4:9-12
a) Share feelings, even hurts.
C. Sharing.
1) Common interests, time.
2) Spirituality. (Religious families are happy families)
D. Romance.
1) Physical love is God's special gift for marriage.
a) "Song of Solomon" focuses on it.
b) Spend the time to keep the fire alive.
c) Romantic love must grow, or it will die.
2) Keep eyes for spouse only.
V. Becoming one.
A. "Oneness" is Bible's way of describing intimacy.
1) God designed marriage to meet our need for companionship and
completion and to relieve the loneliness that is part of
being human. #1247
2) The perfect model for intimacy is found in the heart of God.
According to John 14:20, there is a mutual residence in
our hearts. #1254
3) Some couples never arrive at intimacy, and others get there
and then lose it.
Thomas Haygood, a marriage counselor, had heard it so many
times before:
"We're so different! I'm not sure I want to stay married to you.
And if I had a choice, I doubt that I would choose you again!"
These particular declarations were flung with pain, anger, and
even despair.
This time, however, his heart was pounding.
Panic began to rise within him.
The person he was listening to was not a client, but his wife!
#1243
B. Myths of Intimacy. #1243
1) Myth #1: Acceptance is easy.
a) Reality: Initial acceptance involves accepting the
image a person presents.
b) Truth: Acceptance is a process.
2) Myth #2: We can make each other happy.
a) Reality: Joyfully doing our duty to make our spouse
happy lasts about as long as the honeymoon.
b) Truth: We need to serve each other.
3) Myth #3: If I do my duty, God will change you.
a) Reality: If I am committed to my marriage and do my
homework, my spouse may change for the better.
But there is no guarantee.
b) Truth: My commitment is to God and His process.
4) Myth #4: Intimacy means being just alike.
a) Reality: In trying not to be different, we lose
boundaries that help to define us.
b) Truth: Two different individuals can become one.
C. It is a fallacy to think intimate relationships evolve
spontaneously with no special effort on anyone's part.
In reality, relationships take time and work. #1262
1) Even one person in a marriage can make a difference.
a) No problem is so great it cannot be conquered.
b) Not even adultery.
2) Knowing you have a sufficiency of grace: Hosea
a) Prepare for the worst.
b) Prepare to be "perfect," acting as the Bible tells you.
c) Prepare to be rejected.
VI. Marriage and Jesus. Ephesians 5:29-32
A. The intimacy of marriage is a clue to our relationship with
Christ.
B. We can love someone else as much as we love ourselves.
C. How much do you love Jesus?
**************************** NOTES **************************
I. Wheat's book.
A. Details from Genesis.
1) Male and female is God's idea.
2) Marriage is designed to meet first problem: loneliness.
3) Marriage was planned to bring happiness, not misery.
4) It must begin with leaving all other relationships in order
to establish a permanent relationship between one man
and one woman.
5) Marriage requires an inseparable joining of husband and wife
throughout their lifetime.
6) Marriage means oneness in fullest possible sense, including
intimate physical union without shame.
B. Five levels of love in the Bible.
Copyright © 2024 by Rev. David Holwick
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