Rev. David Holwick P MOTHER'S DAY
First Baptist Church
Ledgewood, New Jersey
May 14, 2000
Malachi 2:10-16
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I. Marriage isn't what it used to be.
A. Sixty-three years ago, a 29-old-man attended a co-ed camp in
Pennsylvania. He told a friend, "When I get there, I'm
going to find one girl and stick with her."
Andy Budin found Emelia there, and the rest is history.
How many of us will celebrate 63 years of marriage?
[Andy Budin, a beloved member of the church, had recently
died.]
On a day in which we honor our mothers, it is appropriate to
consider where our relationships are headed.
Any thoughtful person should be concerned.
B. In the 283 years we can trace the Holwick family, our line has
never had a divorce.
Not a single one.
One ancestor was a bigamist, but he never divorced!
C. Things are different now.
A good illustration is the following letter to Ann Landers:
Dear Ann Landers:
If anyone has the slightest doubt that we are living in a
totally different world today, I challenge them to browse
through the stationery store and check out the card section.
I did last week and found beautiful cards with the following
messages:
'Best Wishes to My Dear Mother and Her Husband' ...
'Holiday Wishes to My Former Grandparents. I Divorced Your
Grandson, Not You'
'Congratulations on a Great Divorce!'
'Happy Anniversary to My Former In-Laws Who are Still in My
Heart'
'Best Wishes to My Former Husband on His Birthday'
'Happy Fourth of July to My Live-In Sweetheart'
[My favorite:]
'Congratulations on Your Marriage. This one is sure to work.
The Third Time is Always a Charm.'
#5500
II. Marriage is not a contract.
A. Contracts are only two-way, covenants are three-way. 2:14
1) God should be the third person in a successful marriage.
He is a witness to whom we are accountable.
James Q. Wilson wrote this in Commentary Magazine:
The family is not one of several alternative life-styles;
it is not an arena in which rights are negotiated;
it is not an old-fashioned barrier to a promiscuous sex life;
it is not a set of cost-benefit calculations.
It is a commitment for which there is no feasible substitute.
No child ought to be brought into a world where that
commitment - from both parents - is absent.
There is no way to prepare for the commitment other than
to make it.
Living together is not a way of finding out how married life
will be, because married life is shaped by the fact that
the couple has made a solemn now before their family and
friends that this is for keeps and that any children
will be their joint and permanent responsibility.
It changes everything.
#3758
B. Malachi's view of marriage is radical.
1) Endorsed by Jesus and New Testament writers.
2) We only preserve our marriages by keeping faith.
III. What was happening in Israel.
A. Intermarriage with pagan women .
1) Problem of priests here (earlier, kings like Solomon).
a) Big concern of Ezra and Nehemiah in same period.
b) Not a racial issue, because many Egyptians joined Jews
in the Exodus and married Jewish men.
1> The difference was they accepted God's Covenant.
2> Here, intermarriage will lead to apostasy.
A> Same thing as marrying an idol's daughter. 2:11
2) Application to unequally-yoked marriage. 2 Cor 6:14-16
a) Both passages mix ideas of intermarriage and corruption
of God's temple.
b) Not to distinguish between believing women and pagan
women is to deny the difference between God & idols.
B. Divorce.
1) God hates divorce. 2:16
a) Hebrew text has problems but idea is clear.
b) Apparently, Jewish men were dumping their old worn-out
Jewish wives in favor of young fresh pagan wives.
2) Tied with violence. 2:16
a) Could be referring to abuse of spouse.
b) More likely, figurative of damage being done to
relationships.
IV. Guard your spirit.
A. Our relationships have spiritual impact. 1 Peter 3:7
1) If marriage is hurting, your prayers could be hindered.
2) Your health could be threatened. [difficult verse]
a) Jerusalem Bible: "Respect your own life, therefore,
do not break faith with your wife." 2:15
b) It is in the best interests of the individual as well
as of the community that families should not be
broken by divorce.
B. Our children are affected. 2:15
1) God's goal for marriage is godly children.
2) Spiritual unity is necessary.
C. Withheld blessings.
1) Implied by non-acceptance of offerings.
2) They wept over God's rejection of them (withheld blessings?)
when they should have been weeping over their sins.
V. Keep your faith through six commitments.
A. The real cause of failure.
1) We're often told that marriage breakups are caused by
difficulties centered around money, sex, and so on.
But such problems are actually only symptoms of the real
failure.
2) We need six basic commitments.
COMMITMENT 1: TO GROW IN CHRIST FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.
1) None of us has matured enough that our present state should
be permanent.
2) We must seek to grow. The result of a lifetime commitment to
growth in Christ is that we mature in every area of life.
3) Only an open, teachable person can develop the
characteristics needed in a good marriage partner.
COMMITMENT 2: TO STAY COMMITTED TO OUR MARRIAGE FOR LIFE, AND TO
WORK TO SOLVE ALL PROBLEMS THAT ARISE.
1) This commitment provides the security of permanence and
keeps us from running away from problems.
a) Either we face up to them and solve them; or...
b) We live with them.
2) Does this enslave the Christian? No!
a) Instead it gives security in the midst of a sinking
world.
COMMITMENT 3: TO BE FAITHFUL TO MY MATE IN BOTH MIND AND ACTION.
1) Unfaithful actions can be headed off by a commitment to
think romantically only about your husband or wife.
Ann Landers may say sexual fantasies involving others
are okay, but Jesus doesn't say that (Matthew 5:28).
2) To decide, "My mate is the only one I will allow myself
to think about in this way" will cut off a lot of
problems before they begin.
The result in your marriage will be a greater level of
mutual trust.
COMMITMENT 4: TO COMMUNICATE - NO MATTER WHAT.
1) Most people learn not to reveal many of their thoughts and
feelings because these are personal.
We are so easily judged by others-"You shouldn't feel
that way."
This fear of judgment from others brings an attitude of
"I'll never mention that again."
2) Communicate everything in marriage: silence, tears, anger,
defiance, defensiveness, the children, or lack of time.
a) This is a commitment to communicate not just facts and
accomplishments, but feelings, thoughts, problems,
and failures.
b) Both the positives and the negatives in our lives need
expression.
COMMITMENT 5: TO BE A SERVANT.
1) The husband and wife are equal in dignity and worth, and
work together as "joint heirs of the grace of life"
(1 Peter 3:7) to achieve common goals.
2) We fulfill different roles.
a) The husband takes responsibility as the leader in
a marriage (1 Cor. 11:3), but his success begins
and ends with a servant's attitude.
b) All Christians are to "serve one another."
COMMITMENT 6: TO ASSUME IN EVERYTHING THAT MY MATE'S INTENTIONS
ARE GOOD.
1) We are told not to attribute evil to God (James 1:13), and
in marriage we are likewise to assume the best about our
partner's intentions.
2) The results of some of our mate's actions may not seem good,
but we must believe that the INTENT was good.
a) Make sure you give your husband or wife the benefit of
the doubt.
b) Avoid accusations & "keep no record of wrongs." 1Cor 13
#5499
B. Keep faith, and the blessings will flow...
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SOURCES FOR ILLUSTRATIONS USED IN THIS SERMON:
#3758 "Points To Ponder" in Readers' Digest, [month?] 1996, page 32,
quoting James Q. Wilson from Commentary Magazine.
#5499 "Intimate Marriage In An Age of Distance: Building Marriages for
Life," by Laurin White, in Discipleship Journal #14,
March 1983.
#5500 "The Problem of Divorce, Part 2," by David J. MacLeod, in Emmaus
Journal 2:1, Summer 1993, page 23 [from the The Theological
Journal Library CD by Galaxie Software]; MacLeod is citing
Gary L. McIntosh, "Ministry in Changing Times", Sundoulos,
Summer, 1992.
These and 5,500 others are part of a database that can be downloaded,
absolutely free, at http://www.holwick.com/database.html
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DISCIPLESHIP JOURNAL #14
Building Marriages For Life [study questions]
By Laurin White
HELP IN MAKING CHOICES
1. What do you think is a good way to evaluate how willing you are to
seek to grow in your relationship with the Lord for the rest of your
life?
2. Are you one hundred percent opposed to ever seeking a divorce from
your husband or wife? Why or why not?
3. Write here a statement that shows your commitment to think
romantically only about your husband or wife - something you could
call to mind to help you whenever you face temptations to think
romantically about others.
4. What is something "extra" that you could communicate to your husband
or wife today-perhaps something on your mind that you have not had
a chance to fully communicate before?
5. What things make it hardest for you to always maintain a servant's
attitude toward your husband or wife?
6. In the things you do with your husband or wife and in how you relate
to him or her, can you think of any motives that are not entirely
good? If so, explain these motives here.
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