Rev. David Holwick ZH Defense of Marriage Sunday
First Baptist Church
Ledgewood, New Jersey
October 26, 2003
Hebrews 13:4
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I. Troubled marriage.
A. The crisis.
The entire nation waited as the Supreme Court ruled on
the issue.
It had almost sneaked by without controversy but evangelical
Christians had started beating their drums.
Christians argued if nothing was done, every marriage in
America would be endangered.
In a sense, the Supreme Court agreed with them.
The issue? Not homosexuality in 2003 but polygamy in 1890.
The territory of Utah was applying for statehood.
Polygamy was a deeply held belief among Mormons and they
thought it was no one else's business.
Many in the government agreed with them.
But the Supreme Court ruled that polygamy was
unconstitutional and Utah's statehood was put on hold.
Lo and behold, the leader of Mormonism had a revelation -
polygamy was meant for heaven, not for this life.
They outlawed polygamy and became a state soon after.
Now move ahead 113 years.
The Supreme Court addresses another issue that affects
marriage.
In a Texas case, the justices strike down a law against
homosexuality.
They word the decision so broadly that many expect it to
have a major impact on marriage in America.
Homosexuals could gain the right to be married.
And even the polygamists might make a comeback.
Christians are starting to beat their drums again.
But not as loudly...
B. Marriage has been in trouble for some time.
1) Main issues:
a) High divorce rate, even among born again Christians.
b) A lack of fulfillment in many relationships.
c) Pressures of money, double jobs, latchkey kids...
d) Even the marriage tax penalty.
2) Homosexual marriage is just newest pressure.
II. Marriage does matter.
A. Even non-Christians acknowledge its importance.
1) Stable kids require stable homes.
2) Many studies have found that people are happiest when
they are in a committed marriage.
3) Marriage is cheaper, too.
a) Consider what the government would spend to support
your family with foster care, food stamps, gov't
housing, etc.
b) If marriages fail, many things in society change.
B. A critical question.
1) Is marriage a purely human contract, or a human/divine one?
2) Who gets to set the rules, and do they really matter?
III. God's purpose in marriage.
A. Foundation of society.
1) Before there were governments or communities, God
established marriage. Gen 2
2) Marriage was God's cure for loneliness. Gen 2:18
a) Marriage was a "given" in Biblical society.
b) There were severe penalties (ie, death) for going
beyond its boundaries.
B. Ideal vs. reality.
1) The original ideal, upheld by Jesus, was one man and one
woman in a lifelong relationship. Matt 19:4-6
a) Even by ancient Jewish standards, Jesus was tough.
2) Variations on this ideal existed but were discouraged.
a) Polygamy was practiced in Old Testament in limited way.
1> They also had concubines, or second-rate wives.
b) However, they were warned it would cause dire problems.
1> Therefore kings were told not to multiply wives.
2> Those that did (David, Solomon) experienced family
and spiritual breakdown.
c) Divorce was also allowed as a concession to hard hearts.
1> The New Testament limits divorce to adultery and
abandonment.
IV. Considerations in a modern age.
A. We cannot force God's ideals on society.
1) America is not a theocracy like ancient Israel.
a) Unlike Islamic countries, we do not make the Bible
the only law of the land.
b) Other viewpoints are allowed and respected.
2) But this does not mean Christians have no input.
a) Most human rights assume a divine origin.
1> Otherwise, the minority would always lose out.
b) Traditions like marriage are very ancient and should
not be toyed with.
B. We can make concessions based on the hard human heart.
1) Jews allowed divorce to alleviate worse problems.
2) Some evangelicals (Richard Mouw of Fuller Seminary) are
even willing to concede on polygamy. [1]
3) Can we re-define marriage for the same reason?
a) Some societies and churches already are.
b) But the results could be worse and not better.
C. We can uphold our cherished beliefs.
1) The consequences of redefining marriage will be great.
Allowing homosexual "marriage" will lead to the destruction
of the traditional understanding of the American family.
It will open the door to a push for legalized polygamy --
with "marriage" open to groups of people.
Homosexual "marriage" doesn't make sense because "marriage"
is, by definition, a monogamous union between a man and
a woman.
Are such pronouncements from the latest fundraising letter
of a pro-family organization?
Are they lifted from the much-derided comments of
Pennsylvania's Sen. Rick Santorum?
No, on both counts.
They are from one of the nation's leading homosexual
rights activists.
#25261
2) There is no reason we have to "wimp out" on this issue.
a) One conservative commentator says we have been "girls"
- it helps to know the commentator is a female.
b) We have a right to present our views like anyone else.
c) Statement by President Bush on July 30:
"I think it's very important for our society to respect
each individual, to welcome those with good hearts,
to be a welcoming country.
On the other hand, that does not mean that somebody
like me needs to compromise on an issue such as
marriage. ...
I believe in the sanctity of marriage.
I believe a marriage is between a man and a woman.
And I think we ought to codify that one way or the
other."
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3) If the Bible is true, our view of marriage is best not just
for us, but for everyone.
a) Even non-Christians.
b) God made us this way. He knows what we need.
V. We need to uphold our own marriages first.
A. Christians need to have good marriages.
Recent Sunday School conference.
Celeste, Trilby and I end up in same class.
Topic: helping couples to forgive.
One man said his first marriage had failed, and he
wanted to teach others how to avoid his mistakes.
B. Biblical principles:
1) Men need to be engaged. (headship)
2) Active love. (with emphasis on man's role)
3) Ready forgiveness.
4) Realize you are on a mission from God.
VI. It begins - and continues - with redemption.
He preaches with the fervor of a prophet.
She sings like an angel.
Together they are so dynamic it's difficult to believe they have
each experienced a bitter divorce and custody battle -- with
each other.
On the outside, the Forehand family once seemed perfect.
Dale was a successful businessman, a deacon at First Baptist Church
in Trussville, Alabama, and a Sunday school teacher.
Jena immersed herself in choir activities and raised their two
children, Cole and Jorja.
But on the inside, the Forehands marriage was dying.
Married couples, Dale said, "are looking to their spouses with
unrealistic expectations, so they get very disappointed when
these are not met."
This disappointment often leads to a demand that needs be met by
a spouse, and when this doesn't happen, the spouses feel
defeated and many quit.
Dale knows the defeat all too well, because in July 1996 he
packed Jena's bags and told her to leave their suburban home.
What followed was 15 months of legal warfare for custody of their
kids, with each parent seeking full rights.
While waiting for the court date, the Forehands lived in the same
home, which became their prison.
Dale lived in the master bedroom while Jena shared bunk beds with
one of the kids.
The day finally arrived when they would bring their battle to the
court.
With loaded emotions, the Forehands listened to each ripping word,
calculating the next move.
In the end, they were given joint custody.
Dale and Jena each left the room feeling destroyed.
Then the unbelievable happened.
Four months after the courtroom battle, Jena called Dale and an
argument started.
Instead of fighting, Jena asked Dale to come get her so they could
repair their relationship.
"I chose to reveal myself that day so that Dale could briefly peek
into my heart," Jena explained.
"I think it was the Holy Spirit speaking through me."
She says couples get to a point where they are stripped to their
bare souls when experiencing struggles.
She believes God allowed the experience to happen because it forced
each person to look inward.
"I had to look at what things in my life did not reflect Jesus."
In 1997, Dale and Jena were remarried.
Symbolizing the beginning of a new marriage but a remembrance of
the first, they took the original stone from her wedding ring
and put it in a new setting.
That day, Cole told his parents he wanted to know Christ as Savior.
The couple prayed together for the salvation of their son.
"We have learned to find our fulfillment, need and satisfaction in
a deep relationship with Christ," Jena says.
"It is out of this relationship we have something to give to our
spouses."
It was Valentine's Day in 1998 when Dale and Jena first told the
world of their experience.
Today they lead marriage conferences and speak across the country.
It has become their full-time ministry.
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If we want marriage to be honored in America, we have to be the
first to honor it.
There are no perfect marriages because there are no perfect
people, but Jesus can make our marriages better.
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SOURCES FOR ILLUSTRATIONS USED IN THIS SERMON:
[1] See "A Modest Defense of Polygamy" by Richard Mouw at
http://www.beliefnet.com/story/78/story_7881_1.html
#25260 "The Enemy, They Say, Is You," by Rev. Jerry Falwell,
Baptist Press, http://www.baptistpress.org/,
August 5, 2003.
#25261 "Homosexual Marriage Is Not Radical Enough," by Russell D.
Moore, Baptist Press, http://www.baptistpress.org/,
August 5, 2003.
#25593 "Couple Turns Broken Marriage Into Ministry To Help Others," by
Theresa Shadrix, Associated Baptist Press,
http://www.abpnews.com/abpnews/, September 16, 2003.
These and 25,000 others are part of a database that can be downloaded,
absolutely free, at http://www.holwick.com/database.html
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