Rev. David Holwick ZH Men of Courage, #2
First Baptist Church
Ledgewood, New Jersey
November 3, 2013
Ephesians 5:25-31
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I. We have become hooked on marriage.
A. We are emotionally close to fewer and fewer people.
1) A study at the University of Arizona and Duke University
found that the number of people who discuss meaningful
matters ONLY with their spouse, doubled in 20 years.
Even worse, the number of people who didn't have anyone
they confided in, tripled over that period.
#33593
2) I guess it is good that many people can confide in their
spouse.
The downside is that as we become more dependent on romantic
relationships for intimacy and deep communication, the
more vulnerable we are when that relationship breaks
down.
3) And for many couples, communication never gets that deep.
a) Typical conversations:
1> Did you take out the trash?
2> Which of us is going to the kid's soccer game?
b) We are sharing grocery lists rather than the deeper
things of life.
4) I tried digging deeper with Celeste this week.
a) I knew I was preaching on this, so to cover myself I
asked her how I could be better as a husband.
b) She said this must be an act of projection because I
was dissatisfied with her as a wife and she wouldn't
answer me.
1> My next sentence in this sermon said, "I can't win."
However, Celeste found the manuscript on the kitchen
counter, crossed this out, and wrote, "I must be
the perfect husband."
B. Marriage matters. A lot.
1) We have all seen how painful it is when a couple breaks up.
2) But we have also seen couples who truly find fulfillment
in each other and enjoy one another's company.
3) If you are a Christian man, how can you build that kind
of marriage?
II. The Courageous Resolution challenges men to be better husbands.
A. Next Sunday night is our commitment ceremony.
1) We are asking men, and their families to come at 6:00
in the evening.
2) Put on a tie, wash up the kids.
3) But first, consider what you will be signing and affirming.
B. The portion that focuses on being a husband.
I do solemnly resolve before God to take full responsibility
for myself, my wife, and my children.
I WILL love them, protect them, serve them, and teach them the
Word of God as the spiritual leader of my home.
I WILL be faithful to my wife, to love and honor her, and be
willing to lay down my life for her as Jesus Christ did
for me.
I WILL work diligently to provide for the needs of my family.
I WILL forgive those who have wronged me and reconcile with
those I have wronged.
III. The Bible's duty for husbands.
A. The chief command, in several passages, is that they love.
1) Wives are not told to love but husbands are.
2) In verse 25, Paul says the standard of their love is
the love Jesus has for us.
a) He gave himself for her by dying on a cross.
b) That is why the Resolution says husbands should be
willing to lay down their lives for their spouse.
1> Most men would say that they would do this.
2> They won't give up Monday Night Football for them,
or do the laundry, or clean up after this kids,
but they will lay down their life --
because they never expect that to be necessary.
B. Sacrificial love is a cherishing love.
1) Paul uses the language of a wedding ceremony, specifically
of the beauty of a bride.
2) Most married men always remember the sight of his bride
walking down the aisle.
a) His bride is radiant.
b) Do you actually treat her that way?
A friend of Stuart Briscoe's is a professor of New Testament.
The professor was writing a commentary on Paul's letter to
the Ephesians and was working on this passage of Scripture.
It is not an easy passage because Paul talks about husbands
and wives, and then he uses the analogy of Christ and the
Church, and then you can't tell whether he is talking
about husbands or the church.
Paul's conclusion is, "It's a great mystery," and he is right.
But Briscoe's friend was a serious New Testament scholar, so
he was exegeting this passage.
As he was working on it, it suddenly struck him that Christ
was working with the Church that it might eventually be a
radiant Church.
He turned away from his computer, and he called to his wife,
who was in another part of the house, and he said, "Honey,
can I ask you a question? Do I make you 'radiant'?"
There was silence, and then she said, "What did you say?"
He said, "I asked you, do I make you radiant?"
She said, "Why are you asking me that?"
So he explained.
She said, "Do you really want me to answer that?"
He said, "Yes, I do, I need to know!"
She said, "All right I'll tell you.
Frankly, no you don't."
He said, "Why not?"
She said, "Well, we've been married all these years.
We're married, we'll stay married, we're together.
But for years our marriage has run on parallel tracks - you
do your thing, and I do my thing.
The reason I'm doing my thing is I know you're going to do
your thing.
What happens is this marriage operates basically on the
basis of what you want, and I just fit in.
I'm rarely consulted, and if I do express an opinion, it's
usually overridden or ignored.
I find, therefore, that the easiest thing to do is say
nothing, and just go along with what you want to do."
She continued, "You are incredibly self-centered.
You simply run the show, and I am simply subservient.
The result is that I live a life of frustration, a sense of
being unfulfilled, bordering on resentment."
The professor told Briscoe, "I had a wake-up call."
Men, this is your wake-up call from the Lord!
#64282
C. Sacrificial love must be an exclusive love.
1) 90% of divorces in long-standing marriages are due to
unfaithfulness. #31281
2) Proverbs 20:6 is especially poignant:
"Many a man claims to have unfailing love, but a faithful
man who can find?"
3) God wants you to be a faithful man.
a) Your wife wants you to be a faithful man.
b) So be a faithful man.
D. Sacrificial love is a forgiving love.
1) There are wrongs in every marriage.
a) You will do some, they will do some.
b) Don't count up who does more wrongs.
1> As 1 Corinthians 13 says, love keeps no record of
wrongs.
2) Forgive thoroughly, and quickly.
a) Don't let the sun go down before you straighten things
out.
b) Don't play psychological games like the silent treatment.
3) Reconcile when necessary.
a) When the relationship breaks down, try to bring it back
together.
b) Do not wait for the other person to make the first step.
IV. Two can become one.
A. Good marriages are a special unity.
1) We use expressions like "finding your soul mate."
a) The implication is that there is one unique person you
have to find to have the perfect marriage.
b) I don't think this is what the Bible is talking about.
2) Any man and woman can "become one" if they work at that
commitment with God's help.
B. The key is commitment more than negotiation.
1) Marriage requires thinking of someone other than yourself.
2) It is not 50-50 but 100-100.
Dr. Paul Popenoe was a well-known marriage counselor.
In one counseling session he was talking to a young husband
who had been openly critical of his wife.
Dr. Popenoe was explaining how two become one in marriage.
In a smart reply the husband said, "Yes, but which one?"
The counselor said, "A little of each."
Then he went on to explain that in marriage you have to
develop "we-psychology."
You have to think of yourself in terms of a pair rather
than as an individual.
Ideally, when "two become one" it means that each one is
doubled, but not duplicated.
You still retain your individual identity, but you add to
yourself the identity of the other.
The whole becomes greater than the sum of its parts.
A wise person once said: "A marriage consists of one master,
one mistress, and two slaves; making, in total, one."
That may be strange arithmetic, but it is good theology.
#34123
V. Love her enough to lead her.
A. Every man should be the spiritual leader of the home.
1) By "leader" I don't mean you give your wife a lot of
commands, I mean you set the spiritual tone.
2) Many men fall short here and make their wife carry that
load.
3) They want help. They want you to be a spiritual rock.
B. Tell your family what you believe.
It was mealtime at the annual family reunion and the entire
family was present for the traditional time of fellowship,
reminiscing ... and food.
Little did they know that they were in store for one of the
most moving and memorable moments in their lives.
Their father stood awkwardly at the head of the table,
cleared his throat and asked for their attention.
"You know," he began, "I have always said there are two
things I will not discuss - religion and politics.
And, about religion, I have always said that it is a personal
matter.
Well, I still believe that religion is personal.
But lately I have come to understand that it was never meant
to be private.
He continued, "On this sheet of paper I have written the
testimony of my faith in Christ.
I will admit that, until recently, I didn't have a testimony.
That's why I didn't want to discuss it.
But, a few days ago, all that changed and I want you to know
about it.
I'm a little new at this, so if you don't mind, I'd just like
to read this to you."
A hush fell over the room as the father humbly read his
testimony to his family.
He stumbled through the brief statement of his faith in
Christ.
When he looked up he was amazed at what was happening.
His sons had tears welling up in their eyes and his wife
and daughters were openly crying.
His grandchildren were looking curiously at their parents
to figure out just what was happening.
That father was setting in motion a series of events that
would ultimately see all his family members come to Christ.
It would be a legacy of faith that would be passed down for
generations to come.
And little did the family or the father know that they would
all gather again only a few weeks later.
And this time it would be at a graveside where his earthly
remains would be deposited, along with the clear assurance
that he was with God.
Fathers, have you shared your faith with your family?
The Bible clearly states that one of the evidences of genuine
salvation is a willingness to testify to that fact.
Has your family heard your testimony of faith in Christ?
#22578
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SOURCES FOR ILLUSTRATIONS USED IN THIS SERMON:
#22578 “Has Your Family Heard Your Testimony?” Tom Elliff, Baptist Press,
http://www.baptistpress.org, January 10, 2003. This illustration
is excerpted from the book, “In Their Own Words,” by Tom Elliff
and Robert Witty.
#31281 “Semper Fi,” Preaching Now internet newsletter, www.preaching.com,
June 27, 2006.
#33593 “Too Close For Comfort,” Stephanie Coontz, New York Times Online,
November 11, 2006.
#34123 “Strange Arithmetic,” Donald B. Strobe, COLLECTED WORDS,
www.eSermons.com; quoted in Rev. Brett Blair's Illustrations by
Email, www.sermonillustrations.com.
#64282 “Do I Make You Radiant?” Rev. Stuart Briscoe, Kerux Sermon #26657.
These and 35,000 others are part of the Kerux database that can be
downloaded, absolutely free, at http://www.holwick.com/database.html
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Courageous Resolution
I do solemnly resolve before God to take full responsibility for
myself, my wife, and my children.
I WILL love them, protect them, serve them, and teach them the
Word of God as the spiritual leader of my home.
I WILL be faithful to my wife, to love and honor her, and be willing
to lay down my life for her as Jesus Christ did for me.
I WILL bless my children and teach them to love God with all of their
hearts, all of their minds, and all of their strength.
I WILL train them to honor authority and live responsibly.
I WILL confront evil, pursue justice, and love mercy.
I WILL pray for others and treat them with kindness, respect, and
compassion.
I WILL work diligently to provide for the needs of my family.
I WILL forgive those who have wronged me and reconcile with those
I have wronged.
I WILL learn from my mistakes, repent of my sins, and walk with
integrity as a man answerable to God.
I WILL seek to honor God, be faithful to His church, obey His Word,
and do His will.
I WILL courageously work with the strength God provides to fulfill
this resolution for the rest of my life and for His glory.
As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord. -Joshua 24:15?
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