Rev. David Holwick
First Baptist Church
West Lafayette, Ohio
August 4, 1985
Christians and Sex
1 Thessalonians 4:2-10, NIV
This week I have received several lectures on the correct way to pronounce "Michelob" [from my sermon on alcohol]. Some people have wondered how I could top that opening illustration especially when they noticed this week's topic. But when it comes to sex you don't need flashy illustrations. Everyone is curious about it. When you're young, you wonder what it's all about and when you're old, you wonder if that's all there is to it.
Most of you already know what I'm going to say: Don't' do it - unless you're married to them. Preachers have to say this because so few follow it. But I would like to look at it from another angle.
Why do people consistently go beyond the Biblical limits in this matter? Some would say, because it feels good. I won't disagree with that. However, I don't think pleasure by itself is the reason. When you get right down to it, loneliness is the biggest reason for sex. We all want to belong to someone.
When I was in high school everyone's goal was to have a boyfriend or girlfriend. Without one, you weren't complete. If you were lucky enough to pair up with someone, you had to do everything with them. You did homework together, at together, went to movies and football games and proms together. When you weren't physically together, you had to be on the telephone. If all of this didn't suffocate you there was still one thing to aim for - SEX.
This was the ultimate experience for any young couple. It meant that someone loved you, cared for you and was never going to leave you. They usually did leave but for a time you experienced security.
The desire for this kind of companionship is not limited to high school. I've heard that the most popular place for meeting people in Coshocton is a bar called McMickey's. You drink, you mingle, and you pick someone up. Many of these chance meetings end up in bed. You're kidding yourself if you think lust is the only dynamic involved here. They may never see each other again but each of them went into it looking for the perfect companion.
It's ironic that with all the sexual freedom that exists today people seem to be more lonely and isolated. I believe the reason is because instead of saving sex for that perfect companion, we are trying to use sex to find them.
The Bible has some very specific ideas about sex. First and foremost, sex is a good gift from God. Some Christians in the past had trouble believing this but it is true. The primary reason God gave us sex was to provide intimacy in a relationship. According to Genesis 2:18:
"The Lord God said, it is not good for the man to be alone."
God's answer to loneliness was the gift of sex but within a very special relationship. That relationship is called marriage, which is based upon public vows of commitment by two people. Sex outside of marriage can be physically enjoyable but will always fall short of what God intended it to be. The guy may promise his undying love and faithfulness but there will always be a nagging doubt about where he'll be five years from now. In these relationships, sex is often not just a glue but the whole focus. The result can be an intensification of loneliness instead of a cure for it.
In our hearts most of us know that sex is meant for our lifetime partner. The clearest proof of this is our plans for our children. I know of very few parents who are anxious for their fourteen-year-old daughter to lose her virginity. Most take my approach - they can date when they're nineteen, hold hands at twenty and walk the aisle at twenty-one. I'm not taking any chances.
With our children we want to set standards that even we didn't meet - didn't even want to meet. And we set these standards, not because we want to oppress our kids but because we know where the alternative can lead.
The Biblical principles concerning sex make good sense. If they don't make good sense to you, you'd better ask why. According to the Bible, these principles are not man-made but directives from God.
1 Thessalonians 4:3 says:
"It is God's will that you should ... avoid sexual immorality."
Verse 8 reinforces this:
"Therefore, he who rejects this instruction does not reject man but God."
With the heavy Biblical emphasis on the limits for sex, it is astounding that the habits of Christians are so similar to those of non-believers. According the sexual surveys, Americans are three times as religious as Europeans. Much larger percentage of Americans believe in God, believe the Bible is his word and go to church. This is also true for young people and yet our rate of teenage pregnancy is twice as high as Europe's. These aren't girls in ghettos or from broken homes. They are girl-next-door types.
Christian young people are about as sexually experienced as non-believers. And the young aren't the only group - even older, married Christians are following the patterns of the world. You hear comments like, "But we really love each other." "Everyone else is doing it."
The Bible says that such attitudes can affect our status before God. They can also cause more visible effects. Venereal disease has reached epidemic proportions because of sexual immorality. Coshocton County has had outbreaks of particularly potent venereal disease far above what you'd expect of our population. And now there is even talk that the deadly disease called AIDS is being transmitted by heterosexual immorality. Galatians 6:7 warns us:
"Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows."
Many in society also believe immorality is dangerous. The usual solution can be given in one word: Education. Teach kids about sex and they won't need to experiment. If they insist on experimenting, make sure they are educated about protection. My generation grew up on sex-education and the Pill. The result has been a drop in morality and a dramatic rise in teen-pregnancies.
If you have no convictions about sex outside of marriage you'll probably experience it and you won't give it much thought. Those who want to go against the tide can turn to the Bible. Its teachings on sex are not unrealistic - people reject them because they don't like them, not because they've found something better. The Bible directs us to save sex for our marriage partner and to choose that partner on the basis of their personality, talents and compatibility more than on their looks.
If we are lonely, we should turn to the fellowship of other Christians, especially in the church. It is unnatural and unhealthy for fourteen- and fifteen-year-olds to pair off and have no contact with others their age. Parents - see that they join in on group activities. Don't let them grow up too fast. Teach them to say "NO"! Know what's happening in their lives.
Another Biblical principle is to flee temptation. If you don't plan on getting married for five to six years, don't play with fire now.
God wants us to be fulfilled and happy. Don't take the world's dead-end shortcut - accept the wisdom of the One who made you!
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Typed on April 20, 2005, by Sharon Lesko of Ledgewood Baptist Church, New Jersey
Copyright © 2024 by Rev. David Holwick
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